I thoroughly enjoyed reading this piece. Thank you for sharing your writing with me. Like Lil, I wish all the best for you and yours. Sending prayers up that your stepson makes it this time.
Yikes! That's going to put me at the tail end of my 60s...not entirely certain I'll be around – I may be, but even now I'm well into heart-attack and stroke country, though I've managed to successfully negotiate the through-ways, thus far.
"if I wish to spend any additional time with The Kid, I need to meet him where he is."
This is good but also don't forget, as Lil notes, you're a good man, NFT. But be sure create opportunites for him meet you where you are sometimes, too.
And it sounds like you've got all the makings of "What a Boy Needs to Know to Be a Man" speech already lined up. Poco y pocito.
"...be sure create opportunites for him meet you where you are sometimes, too."
Excellent point! Know it is well-taken!
The things a boy needs to know to be a man may be passed along verbally, but if I'm doing this in what I believe to be the right way, he will have picked them up from what he's seen of my life.
If there is a better song that captures the emptiness and loneliness of alcoholism, I don't know of it.
The only other song that speaks to the destructive and self-destructive nature of drug (heroin) abuse is, "Needle and the Damage Done", and as much as I like the original by Neil Young, The Pretenders' cover is even better, in my humble opinion.
And back to Johnny Cash, Hurt, a cover of athe Nine Inch Nails song, is also in the ball park. Hurt people hurt other people. The substances are not quite material, I think. https://youtu.be/8AHCfZTRGiI?si=4Kpp7-vTjXVThKgp
Others express this same pain through anorexia, kleptomania, pyromania, and probably extending into some forms of sociaopathy. I've been a bit of an edge case here, I must say, and know that carrying the guilt of those who you've let down can be smothering. And, like I said, I think I'm probably an edge case compared to many others, like your son-in-law.
I hope he can first forgive himself. From afar, I'm almost certain he doesn't deserve the punishment he's doling out to himself.
You might not remember this but while back I was starting into a funk that I'm only kinda finding my way through. You surely said many other things, along with Lillia, that boosted my spirits. But one thing you said stands out: "You're a good man, Pi."
It mattered. A lot.
Starting there, throw in a couple challenging stressors that I managed better than ever, some Ted Lasso, a little time with friends online - Love you guys; I swear - and next door. I still have a comment for Lil's post from the weekend but ended up helping next door neighbor split logs from the 40' pine that he had to have cut down. There was Blanton's involved. I'd still be chopping wood if there was any left!
Very powerful post, sir. Well done. You've wrapped up a lot of different thoughts and ideas about what it's like to be a father figure and a man in these weird times. I hope things work out for the best for you and the Kid.
I'm not sure what kind of video game system he might be using, but if you can, look into the variety of different Lego-based games, as they often have co-op mode that let you solve the puzzles or challenges together, rather than a competitive thing like Mario Kart (although that is a fun game). If he's into it as well, getting a Lego set and building it together is another good opportunity for time spent doing something constructive (or jigsaw puzzles, although at that age kids tend to lose focus).
As you've said already, the important part is just being there - most of my good memories of my dad when I was small was just doing things with him - getting out of school and driving around with him while he worked, or going with him to his weekly bowling night (and playing pinball or other table games in the back while the adults bowled).
A very important piece on a multitude of levels. Hopefully the father involved will be successful in holding back his demons. They will always be there. He needs to be aware and constantly vigilant.
Kudos to you for trying to take up the slack. I’m confident you will find that rewarding. It will reveal aspects of yourself hitherforth unknown. It will undoubtedly strengthen the bond between yourself and your wife.
Don’t try to defeat him in the video game arena. I’m passably decent at some games and my 12 year old granddaughter has been kicking my butt for years. I don’t take that to heart though because I saw a younger version of my daughter destroy Angus Young in Guitar Hero using the AC/DC songbook.
You're a good man. That's all I have to say. Well, that and I wish all the best for all you.
*blushing*
Thank you!
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this piece. Thank you for sharing your writing with me. Like Lil, I wish all the best for you and yours. Sending prayers up that your stepson makes it this time.
Thank you, for the kind words!
I hope he makes it, too - prayers are most appreciated!
"Joe Cantaloupe"
I love this nickname.
"I’m not sure what conceiving of such a scenario says about me, but it chills me to the core every time I think of it."
Wait til he gets his driver's license.
Yikes! That's going to put me at the tail end of my 60s...not entirely certain I'll be around – I may be, but even now I'm well into heart-attack and stroke country, though I've managed to successfully negotiate the through-ways, thus far.
Then here's to hoping he gets to drive you on your Saturday errands one day.
Full Circle.
THAT would be great!!
"if I wish to spend any additional time with The Kid, I need to meet him where he is."
This is good but also don't forget, as Lil notes, you're a good man, NFT. But be sure create opportunites for him meet you where you are sometimes, too.
And it sounds like you've got all the makings of "What a Boy Needs to Know to Be a Man" speech already lined up. Poco y pocito.
https://youtu.be/duu0bCkSlUo?si=dO1lOkT4VUNj2iZj
"It doesn't matter if it's true or not, you see. A man should believe in those things because those are the things worth believing in."
"...be sure create opportunites for him meet you where you are sometimes, too."
Excellent point! Know it is well-taken!
The things a boy needs to know to be a man may be passed along verbally, but if I'm doing this in what I believe to be the right way, he will have picked them up from what he's seen of my life.
A lot of it is simply demonstrating what a good man does. How you treat his grandmother, his father, people you meet on your errands.
"Sunday Morning Coming Down"
Freaking beautiful.
I'm going to go grab my guitar right now. I should already have known how to play this one.
If there is a better song that captures the emptiness and loneliness of alcoholism, I don't know of it.
The only other song that speaks to the destructive and self-destructive nature of drug (heroin) abuse is, "Needle and the Damage Done", and as much as I like the original by Neil Young, The Pretenders' cover is even better, in my humble opinion.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAVSsygX2oQ
And back to Johnny Cash, Hurt, a cover of athe Nine Inch Nails song, is also in the ball park. Hurt people hurt other people. The substances are not quite material, I think. https://youtu.be/8AHCfZTRGiI?si=4Kpp7-vTjXVThKgp
Others express this same pain through anorexia, kleptomania, pyromania, and probably extending into some forms of sociaopathy. I've been a bit of an edge case here, I must say, and know that carrying the guilt of those who you've let down can be smothering. And, like I said, I think I'm probably an edge case compared to many others, like your son-in-law.
I hope he can first forgive himself. From afar, I'm almost certain he doesn't deserve the punishment he's doling out to himself.
"As you wish"
What a great way to tie it all up.
A great essay, my friend. And I love how you've made him your grandson, too.
He won't forget any of this, I assure you.
Thank you, Pi!
You might not remember this but while back I was starting into a funk that I'm only kinda finding my way through. You surely said many other things, along with Lillia, that boosted my spirits. But one thing you said stands out: "You're a good man, Pi."
It mattered. A lot.
Starting there, throw in a couple challenging stressors that I managed better than ever, some Ted Lasso, a little time with friends online - Love you guys; I swear - and next door. I still have a comment for Lil's post from the weekend but ended up helping next door neighbor split logs from the 40' pine that he had to have cut down. There was Blanton's involved. I'd still be chopping wood if there was any left!
I do remember - and I'm glad that I was able to help!
❤️
Very powerful post, sir. Well done. You've wrapped up a lot of different thoughts and ideas about what it's like to be a father figure and a man in these weird times. I hope things work out for the best for you and the Kid.
I'm not sure what kind of video game system he might be using, but if you can, look into the variety of different Lego-based games, as they often have co-op mode that let you solve the puzzles or challenges together, rather than a competitive thing like Mario Kart (although that is a fun game). If he's into it as well, getting a Lego set and building it together is another good opportunity for time spent doing something constructive (or jigsaw puzzles, although at that age kids tend to lose focus).
As you've said already, the important part is just being there - most of my good memories of my dad when I was small was just doing things with him - getting out of school and driving around with him while he worked, or going with him to his weekly bowling night (and playing pinball or other table games in the back while the adults bowled).
"...look into the variety of different Lego-based games, as they often have co-op mode that let you solve the puzzles or challenges together..."
I LOVE this suggestion!!
Thank you, Woody!!
A very important piece on a multitude of levels. Hopefully the father involved will be successful in holding back his demons. They will always be there. He needs to be aware and constantly vigilant.
Kudos to you for trying to take up the slack. I’m confident you will find that rewarding. It will reveal aspects of yourself hitherforth unknown. It will undoubtedly strengthen the bond between yourself and your wife.
Don’t try to defeat him in the video game arena. I’m passably decent at some games and my 12 year old granddaughter has been kicking my butt for years. I don’t take that to heart though because I saw a younger version of my daughter destroy Angus Young in Guitar Hero using the AC/DC songbook.
"...I saw a younger version of my daughter destroy Angus Young in Guitar Hero using the AC/DC songbook."
LOLOLOLOL!!
THAT had to be surreal, for you!
I'm resigned to constantly coming in second, every time! I just loved that he was allowing no quarter just because I'm old!