Late to the party again but, whoa, this one got in deep, my friend.
Finished reading in the wee hours but need some time to really respond (sorry in advance for the pending meandering, pitiful comments) and not from my phone.
I'm waiting to have blood drawn (just part of my annual physical) so still on my phone and read this all again - unfortunately not the Keillor video because waiting room - and, dag, NFT.
So, Big Buffett fan, here. Listening to "Wonder Why" at the office right now.
The main reason I didn't have too much time late in the day was that I finally did my first Open Mic solo. And, well, I've never played out without My Buddy Bill, Dobro Guy before. So I was kinda nervous and no one was in the office and I ran through my set, like, thirty-twelve* times. [*an imaginary number per Hobbes the Tiger]
Anywho, this first non-relevant-and-yet-integral-to-this-whole-whirlwind comment... I opened with a different non-Margaritaville tune (Bill and I actually do play that one that _is_ on "Changes in Latitudes"). Pencil Thin Mustache https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxbVModReMo
+ "Living and Dying in 3/4 Time" is a fine JB album as well. I'm working on a version of God's Own Drunk to present for Buddy Bill. But I further digress. And "Come Monday'" i a go-to strum-along.
I think I’m going to have to read this over and over and over again. What a beautifully written story. I thought I had a good day today but then I read you story, Irealized that now my day is complete.
Thank you for taking the time to write something so incredible . The world is better because of you.
Thanks @lillia who’s comment clicked me here. Beautiful writing.
I’m a Brit who’s been in the US for 28 years and I didn’t know the name “Jimmy Buffet” until a decade ago. And that was because some song of his labeled a Hawaii diner.
So I’m not sure if I should see his words as a beautiful literal accident or as prosaic?
“Oh, yesterday's over my shoulder, so I can't look back for too long. There's just too much to see waiting in front of me and I know that I just can't go wrong”
I have a very complicated relationship with Family. All over. The Nuclear Family of My Youth. Then The Nuclear Family of My Own. A bit of a vagabond, personally and professionally. Struggled to settle down despite my declared desire to do so. Also twice-divorced but now, thankfully, finally on stable ground At Home. At Home...
While reading, I realize that I keep confusing Family and Home. Their Venn Diagram surely shows significant overlap. But I can't tell if I was, or am, uncomfortable with _Family_ or with _Home_.
I have two daughters, both grown and pretty far away. It was not a pretty divorce - surely there have been worse; at least my ex-, my daughter's mom, is a grown-up - and, basically, economics created for abrupt changes in circumstances and I ended up not being as close, geographically then, consequently, emotionally, from my girls. I can't tell which is worse: Breaking up the Family, or breaking up the Home.
I have a granddaughter who turns 2 on Monday who will be a big sister this summer. A boy. I have only seen her twice and regulary visits aren't in the future. My relationship with that daughter, my oldest, is strained. In fact, that understates the case quite a bit. My youngest, with whom things are much better and we regularly communicate, lives in LA. We do always get together when she's back visiting with her boyfriend's family (they've been together since HS so they're pretty local) but that distance weighs heavily.
Because of this, I suspect they have little sense of Home. Or, if they do, the version of Home was tied to that version of Family and now I am no longer part of their Home. And when the Family broke up, so did the Home. I don't have any sense of Home with my (that?) Family. I feel that absense, the missing Home part, acutely. Ironically, most of the denoument took place at The House that we could finally afford in a good neighborhood as a result of me finally capitalizing on my credentials to get paid better than I could when I was merely a Dude's Gymnastics Coach.
+ For Full Blast Irony: my ex- will end up in the MD Gymnastics Hall of Fame as a coach, my oldest is a former MD state and regional champion as a competitor and now a pretty highly rated judge in VA. I, on the other hand, left the sport less than two months after one of my athletes to USA Championships, where the top 18 qualify for Olympic Trials. Not trying to boast. Trying to add context to more completely express the loss, the sacrifices I feel I made by giving up what turns out to essentially be The Family Business for, well, The Family. Because, we got The House. But The House is not _The_ Home.
I don't have a sense of Home upon which to reminisce from my own first time around. I thought it was because I don't have that Family. I was sure I was going to be better than my parents. It turns out, I was worse. I think it broke my oldest and for that I am so profoundly regretful. You just cannot fathom the sense of loss, the sadness if you haven't lived it. It just doesn't go away. Ever.
And I just grazed it there since I started off riffing on your note about not having children. Maybe that was preordained: I don't have that Home feeling about the Family of my Youth. We had two different The Houses but I don't feel a Home in there.
And yet, despite your ex-Pat feelings about Minnesoda, you still fondly recall Home.
"You just cannot fathom the sense of loss, the sadness if you haven't lived it. It just doesn't go away. Ever."
It does not. My hope is that no one else has to go through that experience, but they undoubtedly will.
No idea if this is just cold comfort, or any comfort at all, but at the very least, you own yours, and have accepted the consequences, whatever they were, or may yet still be.
As for the relationship with your oldest daughter, there is still time for it to improve.
My late father once told me that as adult children grow older, their parents become wiser – and sometimes, they even forgive them. I know now he was talking as much about himself, as he may have been talking about his own kids. My suspicion is that for your oldest daughter, it may not happen until you've shuffled loose this mortal coil, but happen, it will.
I know that the more things change, the more some things remain the same, but the time in which our folks married and raised kids might as well be millennia from the time in which those of us, did. It isn't an excuse, just an observation – my breathtaking grasp of the obvious.
I saw this on Friday, when you wrote it. Thank you. It means more to hear that, and from you maybe especially even moreso. *inclines head*
So I had plans of sharing more but now I think that this isn't my forum and I might have to figure out how to package it up for my own presentation. You've set a high bar here, NFT. That said, things changed within an hour or so of me posting.
Mrs. Pi and I had lunch plans with my sister and brother-in-law so she could give me a check*. Turns out my siblings and I have just picked up a monthly expense - she has a helper come visit once or twice a week - for our mother who's recently moved to the assisted living area of the retirement community where she's lived for 25 years. Anywho, I'm the oldest so/neither of them objected when I took charge. Invoices come to me, bro PayPals me but sis is still old school so I used all this as a ruse to regurlary meet for mostly no reason. This was the first time and we made it into an all-four-of-us and it was fun. Really a good time. And BIL paid in honor of my upcoming birthday - which, I totally swear, I just realized is today. There's your McGuffin.
Quickly now - because the Substackverse is busting out all over; I need to rethink the rest of this stor, needed to let that out. Thanks and apologies for airing dirty my boxer-briefs out loud - I talked with the group about this very post, and my respsonse. I shared a story of how my brother and I went to WA to attend the dedication of a campus building to my late father - dude, all of this because of your post and some ditty from the 70s - both kinds: Gulf and Western - and a mind, a soul seeking some settling. Something's shaken loose and that lunch meetup, some time with Mrs. Pi, a cookout with friends, rainy weekend so couldn't/won't get to outside chores... this is what I need to think about.
I've said a couple time to stepson and Mama that there's nothing wrong with peer pressure if you pick the right peers. This is something like that, I think. I sure like the people I follow here.
"It means more to hear that, and from you maybe especially even moreso."
That makes me more glad than you can possibly imagine – I'm happy that my words and sentiments were of some benefit. It is most humbling, and in a very good way.
"This was the first time and we made it into an all-four-of-us and it was fun. Really a good time."
How cool is it when events like that turn out to be extraordinarily pleasant? I'm happy it was a high point!
"...that there's nothing wrong with peer pressure if you pick the right peers."
LOVE THAT!! Stealing/borrowing that piece of wisdom to pass along to the grandson at the proper time (which I may create if it doesn't present itself) – he definitely needs to choose better peers.
Late to the party again but, whoa, this one got in deep, my friend.
Finished reading in the wee hours but need some time to really respond (sorry in advance for the pending meandering, pitiful comments) and not from my phone.
I'm waiting to have blood drawn (just part of my annual physical) so still on my phone and read this all again - unfortunately not the Keillor video because waiting room - and, dag, NFT.
This is really, really good stuff.
Buffett's best album by far, and the hits aren't close to the best songs on it.
Agreed!
And, right outta the chute, I put my comment in the its own thread, meant to be here. Apologies, Jim. -pi
Apropos to abusolutely nothing about this post, or maybe just tangentially.
-- No. It's not. It's fundamental. NotFromLoneStar - you're killing me here, dude!
So, Big Buffett fan, here. Listening to "Wonder Why" at the office right now.
The main reason I didn't have too much time late in the day was that I finally did my first Open Mic solo. And, well, I've never played out without My Buddy Bill, Dobro Guy before. So I was kinda nervous and no one was in the office and I ran through my set, like, thirty-twelve* times. [*an imaginary number per Hobbes the Tiger]
Anywho, this first non-relevant-and-yet-integral-to-this-whole-whirlwind comment... I opened with a different non-Margaritaville tune (Bill and I actually do play that one that _is_ on "Changes in Latitudes"). Pencil Thin Mustache https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxbVModReMo
+ "Living and Dying in 3/4 Time" is a fine JB album as well. I'm working on a version of God's Own Drunk to present for Buddy Bill. But I further digress. And "Come Monday'" i a go-to strum-along.
Great Loki, even with a computer and keyboard I've posted and edited comments several times.
Coffee and Primal Scream Therapy Break. Baksun.
Primal Scream, the rock band?
More like Primal Scream: Gambol on over to the North Spinney, *deep breath*, "Arrrrrrggghhhhhh" *shakes fist at nearest pine*
Primal Scream Therapy.
I think I’m going to have to read this over and over and over again. What a beautifully written story. I thought I had a good day today but then I read you story, Irealized that now my day is complete.
Thank you for taking the time to write something so incredible . The world is better because of you.
Thank you, Mark!
Just completed second read, first re-read and I agree that several more are needed.
Holy Schamokes, unTex.
I don't know what to say about this other than it is as beautiful a reminiscence as I have ever read.
(And, yes, OMG, how time starts flying.)
Thank you.
This one was forever in coming.
I was wondering. I kept checking to see if I'd missed something. But it was well worth the wait.
You are too kind.
Thanks @lillia who’s comment clicked me here. Beautiful writing.
I’m a Brit who’s been in the US for 28 years and I didn’t know the name “Jimmy Buffet” until a decade ago. And that was because some song of his labeled a Hawaii diner.
So I’m not sure if I should see his words as a beautiful literal accident or as prosaic?
“Oh, yesterday's over my shoulder, so I can't look back for too long. There's just too much to see waiting in front of me and I know that I just can't go wrong”
Maybe I should listen to his music.
Thank you, for subscribing, and for your kind words!
"Maybe I should listen to his music."
It is highly recommended, though I'm partial to his earlier albums!
I have a very complicated relationship with Family. All over. The Nuclear Family of My Youth. Then The Nuclear Family of My Own. A bit of a vagabond, personally and professionally. Struggled to settle down despite my declared desire to do so. Also twice-divorced but now, thankfully, finally on stable ground At Home. At Home...
While reading, I realize that I keep confusing Family and Home. Their Venn Diagram surely shows significant overlap. But I can't tell if I was, or am, uncomfortable with _Family_ or with _Home_.
I have two daughters, both grown and pretty far away. It was not a pretty divorce - surely there have been worse; at least my ex-, my daughter's mom, is a grown-up - and, basically, economics created for abrupt changes in circumstances and I ended up not being as close, geographically then, consequently, emotionally, from my girls. I can't tell which is worse: Breaking up the Family, or breaking up the Home.
I have a granddaughter who turns 2 on Monday who will be a big sister this summer. A boy. I have only seen her twice and regulary visits aren't in the future. My relationship with that daughter, my oldest, is strained. In fact, that understates the case quite a bit. My youngest, with whom things are much better and we regularly communicate, lives in LA. We do always get together when she's back visiting with her boyfriend's family (they've been together since HS so they're pretty local) but that distance weighs heavily.
Because of this, I suspect they have little sense of Home. Or, if they do, the version of Home was tied to that version of Family and now I am no longer part of their Home. And when the Family broke up, so did the Home. I don't have any sense of Home with my (that?) Family. I feel that absense, the missing Home part, acutely. Ironically, most of the denoument took place at The House that we could finally afford in a good neighborhood as a result of me finally capitalizing on my credentials to get paid better than I could when I was merely a Dude's Gymnastics Coach.
+ For Full Blast Irony: my ex- will end up in the MD Gymnastics Hall of Fame as a coach, my oldest is a former MD state and regional champion as a competitor and now a pretty highly rated judge in VA. I, on the other hand, left the sport less than two months after one of my athletes to USA Championships, where the top 18 qualify for Olympic Trials. Not trying to boast. Trying to add context to more completely express the loss, the sacrifices I feel I made by giving up what turns out to essentially be The Family Business for, well, The Family. Because, we got The House. But The House is not _The_ Home.
I don't have a sense of Home upon which to reminisce from my own first time around. I thought it was because I don't have that Family. I was sure I was going to be better than my parents. It turns out, I was worse. I think it broke my oldest and for that I am so profoundly regretful. You just cannot fathom the sense of loss, the sadness if you haven't lived it. It just doesn't go away. Ever.
And I just grazed it there since I started off riffing on your note about not having children. Maybe that was preordained: I don't have that Home feeling about the Family of my Youth. We had two different The Houses but I don't feel a Home in there.
And yet, despite your ex-Pat feelings about Minnesoda, you still fondly recall Home.
"You just cannot fathom the sense of loss, the sadness if you haven't lived it. It just doesn't go away. Ever."
It does not. My hope is that no one else has to go through that experience, but they undoubtedly will.
No idea if this is just cold comfort, or any comfort at all, but at the very least, you own yours, and have accepted the consequences, whatever they were, or may yet still be.
As for the relationship with your oldest daughter, there is still time for it to improve.
My late father once told me that as adult children grow older, their parents become wiser – and sometimes, they even forgive them. I know now he was talking as much about himself, as he may have been talking about his own kids. My suspicion is that for your oldest daughter, it may not happen until you've shuffled loose this mortal coil, but happen, it will.
I know that the more things change, the more some things remain the same, but the time in which our folks married and raised kids might as well be millennia from the time in which those of us, did. It isn't an excuse, just an observation – my breathtaking grasp of the obvious.
You're a good man, Pi.
I saw this on Friday, when you wrote it. Thank you. It means more to hear that, and from you maybe especially even moreso. *inclines head*
So I had plans of sharing more but now I think that this isn't my forum and I might have to figure out how to package it up for my own presentation. You've set a high bar here, NFT. That said, things changed within an hour or so of me posting.
Mrs. Pi and I had lunch plans with my sister and brother-in-law so she could give me a check*. Turns out my siblings and I have just picked up a monthly expense - she has a helper come visit once or twice a week - for our mother who's recently moved to the assisted living area of the retirement community where she's lived for 25 years. Anywho, I'm the oldest so/neither of them objected when I took charge. Invoices come to me, bro PayPals me but sis is still old school so I used all this as a ruse to regurlary meet for mostly no reason. This was the first time and we made it into an all-four-of-us and it was fun. Really a good time. And BIL paid in honor of my upcoming birthday - which, I totally swear, I just realized is today. There's your McGuffin.
Quickly now - because the Substackverse is busting out all over; I need to rethink the rest of this stor, needed to let that out. Thanks and apologies for airing dirty my boxer-briefs out loud - I talked with the group about this very post, and my respsonse. I shared a story of how my brother and I went to WA to attend the dedication of a campus building to my late father - dude, all of this because of your post and some ditty from the 70s - both kinds: Gulf and Western - and a mind, a soul seeking some settling. Something's shaken loose and that lunch meetup, some time with Mrs. Pi, a cookout with friends, rainy weekend so couldn't/won't get to outside chores... this is what I need to think about.
I've said a couple time to stepson and Mama that there's nothing wrong with peer pressure if you pick the right peers. This is something like that, I think. I sure like the people I follow here.
Happy Birthday!!
"It means more to hear that, and from you maybe especially even moreso."
That makes me more glad than you can possibly imagine – I'm happy that my words and sentiments were of some benefit. It is most humbling, and in a very good way.
"This was the first time and we made it into an all-four-of-us and it was fun. Really a good time."
How cool is it when events like that turn out to be extraordinarily pleasant? I'm happy it was a high point!
"...that there's nothing wrong with peer pressure if you pick the right peers."
LOVE THAT!! Stealing/borrowing that piece of wisdom to pass along to the grandson at the proper time (which I may create if it doesn't present itself) – he definitely needs to choose better peers.
"I sure like the people I follow here."
Same! It's an honour to be in such good company!
[This comment was deleted because it was composed and posted during a particuarly under-caffeinated phase of my day, See also _blood work_.
It now appears in the proper thread. -pi]