Bud Light’s Undeniable Demise, the Corporate Class' Obsequious Fealty to the MBA, and the Unstoppable Force of Stupid

Deutsche Bank comes to the rescue with a survey, the results of which “Business Insider” publishes, further cementing its status as business “journalism’s” useful idiot.

As a rule, it’s my desire to make every effort to write about that which is more of a state or condition, and its application to our lives in general, or perhaps my life specifically as self-reflective observation.

However, that is not possible, this morning. The utterly and almost incomprehensibly stupid is just too strong for me to ignore.

Huh...this is not showing up in any of my business "news" feeds…very strange...odd. I wondered why, then read the article:

Anheuser-Busch has lost $400 million since Bud Light plastered Dylan Mulvaney on a can last April, and things are only getting worse.

Bud Light sales plunged once again recently, dropping nearly 26% in the final week of July according to data from Bump Williams Consulting.

Those raw numbers cap just a miserable month for Bud and Anheuser-Busch, which reported last week that revenue had taken a nearly $400 million hit.

Its own consultants are being generous when they are quoted as follows:

The situation hasn’t gotten any worse, nor has it gotten better for Bud Light…

Look – in another life, I spent enough time in sales to know that to the folks whose jobs have P&L accountability, there is no such thing as stagnation – the sales numbers are either improving, or they are not. Any sales rep who has been allowed to hang around for more than two months of missing quota knows this.

Budweiser is Bump Williams Consulting’s client, so it isn’t about to slam the door and all but seal Budweiser’s fate as well as shut off a revenue stream. No, it’s couching the truth to give Bud Light just a sliver of hope.

Earlier this week, it was reported that the company would be selling eight beer and beverage brands to a cannabis company, including several big name labels…with an expected completion later this year.

OutKick reached out to Anheuser-Busch Tuesday to see if that was related to the Bud Light-Dylan Mulvaney disaster and, shockingly, did not get a response.

Then, we have one of the left's most reliable “business” media propaganda outlets doing its best to make sure its readers don't believe their own eyes or trust their own judgement when critically analyzing contextual data.

I couldn’t help but think of this as I read the article:

The entire piece is spinning wishful thinking as objective analysis:

Bud Light has started to win over Americans again, according to a Deutsche Bank survey.

A survey - really?

'...Bud Light drinkers who say they are very unlikely to buy the brand in 3-6 months’ time has reduced from 18% to just 3%...’

v.

‘Just 19% of beer drinkers now say they are no longer willing to buy the brand, down from 21%, in July...’

Wow – a whole 2%! Still, which is it?

Deutsche Bank said...it believed improving sentiment on the beer brand was 'a trend not simply volatility', noting that Americans' stance on the beer had shifted more positive for two months in a row.

Okay, but where are the sales numbers to support the claim?

Business, despite the proliferation of MBAs (which are quickly becoming so over-valued as to be as worthless as master’s degrees in Gender or Victim African-American Studies) since the 1990s, is pretty simple: Success, or lack thereof, is measured by revenue generated, then by gross profit, and then by net profit as a result of sales. ‘Profit’ is the operative term, here.

Profit – even if it is only $1.00, is success – the venture’s only reason and qualification for its existence has been satisfied.

On the other hand, revenue that is not greater than the expenses and costs of doing business after taxes, resulting in a loss of money is failure, by any standard.

It should be noted that neither one is necessarily permanent.

Nonetheless, the standard against which success or failure is measured remains the same.

Regarding the survey, I sought to find even poorly constructed answers to the following questions:

How was the survey conducted?
What were the questions, and how was neutrality enforced in their framing?
Who were the survey’s target audience?
What was the size of the sample?
What was the response rate?

As you might imagine, such was not to be found.

However, I am willing to bet that Deutsche (my pronunciation is, Douche) Bank hires only candidates holding MBAs as analysts – even at entry-level.

If so, then I submit that given the entire Bud Light fiasco began with a diversity-hire holding an MBA from Wharton, of all places, that MBAs have to be among the most successful scams that universities operate.

Thank you, dear reader, for your indulgence in this, my rant.

Until next time…